shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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