She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
