Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
