we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
