I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
