so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize