matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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