thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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