its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
