"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
