Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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