Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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