It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize