They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
