This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Two words: nipple clamps
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