Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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