So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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