I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
