dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
