I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
