brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
