I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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