a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
