So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
