I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
