Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
