y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
