we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
