people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
