his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
