He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
