He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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