I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize