i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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