And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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