She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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