I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
