dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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