so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
