he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
