i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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