Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
