Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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