Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
