I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
