these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
