My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
