Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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