i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
