My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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