I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
