waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
