Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
