We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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