went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
