Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
