I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
