You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize