i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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