he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
