FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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