Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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