I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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