shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
