That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize