i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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