if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
