Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just invented taco cereal.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had sex on a roof
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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