I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize