I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
