...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
