Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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